And they're off

It’s time.

Here and now, this 21st day of July, in the year of our Lord 2005, it’s time to begin recording my thoughts along with the quirky daily occurrences in my life. Many came before me, but none shall compare to the sardonic wit, the infectious humor, nay, the sheer unadulterated Chaucerian mirth that these ramblings will imbue mine humble readers with.

Right.

Now that we’ve gotten that bit of machismo out of the way, let’s be honest: starting a blog is terrifying. Think about it for a minute—there are two options when blogging. Option One: you can inform your friends and family that you’ve begun an online journal and they are welcome to read it for their pleasure. What a nightmare—you have the pressure of trying to relate your thoughts in a manner that is interesting, thoughtful, hides your offensive or embarrassing characteristics and most importantly, demonstrates your keenly honed sense of humor. God forbid you should make a post that isn’t at par with your previous entries—“you know, I’ve been reading that blog of yours, funny stuff, but that last post…” They read your material, judging, watching, judging, look at the baby, look at the baby! *shudder*…you see where I’m going…

Option Two isn’t much better. You can jealously guard your online journal, preventing them from reading it and subsequently judging you. No one need know that you are neither funny nor insightful nor the slightest bit interesting, and you can still pour out your thoughts. Unfortunately, this is roughly equivalent to talking to yourself, a sure sign of dementia. Before long, you won’t leave the hotel room, you become paranoid of germs infecting everything, you grow a scraggly beard and claim to have invented a marvelous aircraft called the “Spruce Goose” that will do New York to London in only 6 hours. And the evil monkey in the closet is making threatening gestures.

So why, when faced with these two options, am I starting a blog, you ask? Good question. Perhaps I like being judged. Perhaps I don’t intend for anyone to read this, and I really am just talking to myself. Or perhaps, *cues slowly building music* perhaps I believe there’s a third option. An option where I share my writings, and they are well received. Where friends and family slap me on the back and say “That blog of yours, quality stuff!” Where men and women of all races and beliefs can enjoy my stories under a common banner of decency, respect, and good-natured mockery for those individuals who incur my spleen! *music climaxes in a triumphant fanfare*

Or…

Perhaps I am stuck at work, in front of a computer, and am looking for ways to entertain myself as the long hours of the day pass. Furthermore, I could care less whether you readers approve of or enjoy my writings. This is for my own entertainment, not yours.
So which is it? A little bit of both? None of the above? Couldn’t care less, you’re as bored as I am and will read anything? Welcome to my home…I have a feeling that we are going to be good friends.